Your kids aren’t being dramatic—they’re desperate for you to understand this.
Boomers, your kids aren’t trying to disrespect you—they just want to be heard. They’ve grown up in a completely different world, with different pressures, values, and challenges. What you see as complaining or overreacting might actually be them trying to open up, ask for support, or explain how things feel to them. But if every attempt gets brushed off, criticized, or turned into a debate, they stop trying. They stay polite. They stay quiet. And eventually, they build walls. It’s not about blame—it’s about understanding.
There’s a growing gap between generations that’s hurting relationships more than anyone wants to admit. Your Millennial and Gen Z kids still love you, but they’re exhausted by feeling dismissed. You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but it means the world when you actually listen. Not to correct, not to argue—just to hear them. That small shift could change everything.
1. Please stop assuming our struggles mean we’re lazy or entitled.
It’s hard to open up about stress, burnout, or money problems when the response is, “You just don’t want to work hard.” Millennials and Gen Z aren’t lazy—we’re just navigating a completely different economic and social reality than you did, writes David Rice in an article for People Managing People. Wages haven’t kept up with inflation, housing costs are through the roof, and job security looks nothing like it did in your day. We’re hustling, often working multiple gigs, and still barely keeping up.
If you call us entitled for asking for better pay, work-life balance, or mental health support, it makes us feel like you’re not interested in what we’re actually facing. We’re not asking you to fix it—we just want some empathy. Being told our problems are made up or that we’re just “too soft” doesn’t help. It pushes us away. We wish you could see how hard we’re trying instead of measuring us by standards that don’t match this moment in history.
2. We need emotional support, not constant advice or judgment.
When we come to you with a problem, we’re not always asking for a solution—we just want someone to listen. Our mental health problems are real and related to things you didn’t have to worry about back in the day, notes Lindsey Phillips writing for the American Counseling Association. Growing up, a lot of us weren’t taught how to express our emotions safely, and now we’re trying to unlearn that. But getting hit with “just deal with it” or “you think that’s hard?” makes us shut down. It’s not that we don’t value your wisdom—we do. It’s that sometimes we just need validation before we can even hear advice.
Telling us what we “should’ve done” or questioning our decisions when we’re already hurting only makes us feel more alone. Emotional support means listening, sitting with us in the discomfort, and reminding us we’re not crazy for feeling what we feel. We’re not being dramatic—we’re trying to be emotionally honest. That’s something you taught us to value, even if it looks different than how you were raised to express it.
3. Stop comparing our lives to yours in the ’70s, ’80s, or ’90s.
We get it—you bought a house for $60,000, worked your way up, and raised a family on a single income. But times have changed, and those comparisons just don’t help anymore. Today, most of us are drowning in student debt, priced out of homeownership, and working in an unstable gig economy that doesn’t offer the same kind of security you had, according to Dean Kaplan with The Kaplan Group. We’re not trying to say your life was easy—we know it wasn’t. But constantly measuring our progress against a different era makes us feel like we’re failing by default.
We want your stories, not your measuring stick. Instead of telling us how cheap gas was or how you got your first job by “just showing up,” try asking what it’s like to job hunt now or rent in a major city. We’d love to share that with you—if we felt like you were actually curious, not just skeptical. Understanding starts with curiosity, not comparison.
4. Mental health is real, and we need you to take it seriously.
When we talk about anxiety, depression, or burnout, we’re not making excuses—we’re being honest. Mental health isn’t a trendy buzzword or a weakness—it’s a real part of our well-being. Many of us grew up watching people suffer in silence because they were too afraid or ashamed to get help. We don’t want to repeat that pattern. That’s why we go to therapy, set boundaries, or take medication when we need to. It’s not because we’re fragile—it’s because we’re trying to stay healthy.
Rolling your eyes or saying things like “just tough it out” makes us feel dismissed and misunderstood. We’re not asking for special treatment—we’re asking for compassion. The same way you’d support someone with a broken leg, we need you to support us when our minds feel broken. A simple “I’m here for you” goes a long way. We’re not weaker than your generation—we’re just finally talking about the stuff everyone used to hide.
5. We’re not trying to disrespect you—we’re just trying to live differently.
Just because we don’t follow the exact life path you did doesn’t mean we’re rejecting your values. We’re building lives based on different priorities, different challenges, and different tools. That doesn’t mean we think your choices were wrong—it means we’re figuring out what works for us now. Sometimes that means living with roommates longer, not having kids, working remote jobs, or choosing experiences over material stuff. It’s not rebellion—it’s adaptation.
You may assume we’re being ungrateful or rebellious, but it shuts down communication. Most of us deeply respect what you’ve done—we just need room to do things our way. Respect isn’t about obedience. It’s about mutual understanding. We’re not trying to be difficult—we’re just trying to be honest about what fits and what doesn’t. And we’re hoping you’ll love us, not in spite of that, but because of it.
6. The world you handed us is harder than you think.
We’re not trying to blame you for everything, but pretending the world is the same as it was decades ago doesn’t help us move forward. We inherited a planet in crisis, an economy stacked against us, and a job market full of unpaid internships and underpaid roles that don’t offer stability.
It’s not about being bitter—it’s about being real. We’re dealing with climate anxiety, housing shortages, medical debt, and the pressure to “succeed” in a system that feels broken.
We’re not whining when we speak up about this—we’re asking for acknowledgment. It’s exhausting to constantly feel like we’re falling short when the game changed before we even got to play. We want to build something better, not just for us but for the future. But we need the older generation to stop minimizing our reality and start standing beside us. That doesn’t mean carrying the blame—it means choosing to be allies, not critics.
7. We want connection—not just advice, criticism, or lectures.
Sometimes when we call or visit, it’s not because we need fixing—it’s because we just want to feel close to you. We know you have life experience, and we genuinely respect it. But every conversation doesn’t have to be a lesson or a reminder of what we’re doing wrong. We’re not kids anymore, and what we need more than ever is relationship—not correction. If everything turns into a lecture, it feels like you don’t trust us or believe we’re capable of figuring life out. We still want your wisdom—but we also want your friendship, your curiosity, and your emotional presence.
We want to talk with you, not just be talked at. Sometimes, a laugh, a story, or a “how are you really doing?” means more than any piece of advice ever could. We’re not asking you to stop being parents—we’re asking you to also just be with us.
8. Your approval still matters more than you know.
Even as adults, we still want to make you proud. We may not always say it, and we might act like we’ve outgrown it, but deep down, your words still carry weight. If you express disappointment, question our choices, or dismiss what matters to us, it hits harder than you probably realize. We’re not looking for nonstop praise—we just want to know you see us trying. A little encouragement goes a long way.
The world already makes us feel behind, overwhelmed, and unsure. When our parents show pride, even in the small things, it makes us feel grounded. It reminds us we’re not alone, and that even if we’re not doing everything “your way,” we’re still doing our best. We don’t need gold stars—we just need to know we’re not a constant letdown. Even one sentence of genuine approval can stick with us for years.
9. We wish you’d ask more questions and really listen to the answers.
So often, it feels like you assume you already know what we’re going to say—or worse, what we should say. We know your opinions are shaped by experience, but we want to feel like our thoughts matter too. Instead of jumping in with a rebuttal or a life lesson, just ask us something real—and wait for the full answer. Ask what’s hard for us right now. Ask what we’re passionate about. Ask what scares us, excites us, or feels confusing.
We’re craving conversations where we’re heard without being corrected. When you ask and really listen, you’re not just gathering facts—you’re showing us we matter to you. That kind of attention builds closeness that lectures never will. We don’t want to argue. We want connection. Real listening makes us feel safe, seen, and respected. That’s the kind of relationship we’re hungry for.
10. Our boundaries aren’t personal—they’re healthy.
If we set a boundary, it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. It means we’re trying to take care of ourselves. Whether it’s needing space, saying no to certain conversations, or not visiting as often, it’s not meant to hurt you. It’s about creating a life where we feel emotionally balanced and respected. Sometimes, when you push back or take it personally, it makes us feel guilty for simply trying to be healthy. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doors with knobs.
They help us stay close without feeling smothered or resentful. It took a lot of unlearning for us to feel okay setting them in the first place. So if you honor them instead of questioning them, we feel safe enough to let you in even more. You taught us to respect ourselves—we’re just finally doing it.
11. We’re doing the best we can—even if it doesn’t look like what you expected.
Life didn’t follow a straight path for most of us. We’ve had setbacks, false starts, career shifts, financial hits, and emotional struggles we didn’t see coming. But through it all, we’ve kept going. Even if we don’t have the house, the title, the family, or the picture-perfect milestones, we’re still growing, still trying, still showing up.
Sometimes, it feels like all you see is what we haven’t done. But there’s so much you don’t see: the battles we’ve fought quietly, the progress we’ve made in private, the resilience we’ve built from scratch. Saying, “I’m proud of how far you’ve come,” even if we’re not “there” yet, fills a hole we didn’t even know was open. We’re not looking for perfection—we’re just hoping you see our effort. We don’t need fixing. We need encouragement to keep going.
12. We really want a relationship with you—we just need it to grow with us.
We’re not trying to pull away—we’re trying to evolve. We don’t want to lose our connection, but we need it to change as we change. What worked when we were kids won’t always work now. We want a relationship that honors who we’ve become—not just who we were at 12, 18, or 25.
That means meeting us as adults, showing interest in our lives, and respecting our choices—even the ones you don’t fully get. It means giving space if needed and closeness when it’s welcomed. We’re not asking you to be perfect—we’re just asking you to grow with us.
If you’re willing to shift, listen, and engage with who we are now, it opens the door to something deeper. We want to be close to you. We just want that closeness to be built on mutual respect, not the old dynamic we’ve already outgrown.